WA 11, Draft 3: Thoughts, Please Stop
Eyes closed, deep breaths,
I refuse to let you enter my mind, again.
Once is okay.
Twice is too many,
And three seems like I want you back.
I want to erase you, lose you,
because I think you have lost me.
But every time I see you I can’t forget our past.
A past that will never be forgotten.
Talking about you,
writing about you,
brings back those memories of how close we were…
Do you remember?
Every time I talk with her, you enter the conversation
Once,
Just once,
I’d like to forget you just like I think you’ve forgotten me.
Is it true?
Have you forgotten me?
My friend told me a few weeks ago, “You might have loved him.” Is that even possible? I feel like I barely know him now and I’m only sixteen. Was it just first love or was it different? I’m the vinegar floating on top of water and I don’t know how to mix in. I don’t want to be the annoying ex-girlfriend but the truth is I was the one who broke up with him, twice. I want to know if we ever had a chance. Why did I push him away?
How do you ask someone that? It’s a scary feeling being in the dark. There’s no one there who understands you and you’re groping around trying to find the light. Where is it? How do you find where you belong?
The truth is…I think I might have been in love and pushed it away. It hurts to admit because I don’t know what to do. It makes me sad because I feel like I’m wasting my time. It’s scary because I’m putting myself out there for all of you to judge and it’s hard telling the truth but this was something that I needed to write for myself.
When does it stop?
I’m floating here waiting for a line to drop,
Anything, anything that will tell me what to do.
When do you stop caring about someone?
Forgetting,
It’s hard.
There aren’t words to explain this,
This feeling,
This feeling I think I have for you.
Thoughts spinning out of control,
Make them stop.
Only you can do it,
Help me.
Tell me the truth,
Even if it hurts.
posted by Claire Barry @ 4:58 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Claire,
I doubt that you ever check this old blog anymore, which is probably why I'm writing this comment. There is a comfort in believing that no one will probably even come across this, after all 10th grade is so far out of many of our minds..we're almost seniors. Yet, there is also a comfort that you or someone else might check this someday, when online and mr. irani's class is surfaced to the mind. Even if my writing is not the most eloquent thing, it's nice to know that someone might hear me.
At the beginning of last year I would try to read literally everyones writing assignments when they were released. Loneliness you may call it, and trying to find connections with my fellow peers. I guess I fell off of that throughout the course of the year. I don't remember reading your final piece. I just read it today. Last year I was in a slump for a reason quite similar to this topic, and I guess I'm still yet to get over it completely. I got so caught up in feeling like I was alone in my failed experience with a boy, but over time I realized that it wasn't quite the case.
As time has past over these years I noticed how closely people's teenage years overlap. I feel like I'm so similar to some people, even if I've never talked to them. I also feel like there has been so much potential to make acquaintances into friends, but sometimes it doesn't work that way. I just want to let you know (with much hope that you won't be reading this anytime soon) that I think you are a truely admirable, kindhearted person. Despite my personal regrets and conflictions I am genuinely happy for you, and I think you deserve him.
with much love,
Kiley
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