WA9, Draft 3: Thinking

I’m sitting here just watching their mouths move. I can hear what they are saying but I’m not really listening. I’ve drifted into my own world, which happens a lot. I want to understand what they are saying but I can’t. It’s like trying to control your eyelids when they’re really heavy, it’s impossible. I guess that’s how it works with my mind. I shut off what people are saying and have a conversation inside my own head. This time though I’m listening to people talk about poverty. It seems so interesting what they are saying and for once I’m able to listen. But, my mind never slows down. One minute I’m listening to her talk about how poverty affects children and the next I’m thinking what organizations I can start and who can help out. Why can’t I slow down? I’m not in control and all I can think about is that time on the bus.

I was sitting on the bus the other morning and we came to a stoplight by a church. Normal people would think about the homework they did the night before or what tests they had that day, but not me. I saw the top of the church and the first thing I thought was, “What if while we were sitting at this bus stop some guy decided to jump off the church roof and kill himself?” It was as if a Hollywood movie screenplay had opened up in my mind. I thought to myself, “Would I scream? Would I cry? Or Would I just whisper softly to my neighbor, ‘That guy is going to die?’ Would I run off the bus? Could I save his life?” Then I snapped back to reality. It was as if I had lost control of myself for those few seconds and I couldn’t understand what it meant. Why would this matter to me? Do I just want to be a hero?

I’ve always been the kind of guy who girls think is “cute,” like their little dog, but would never go out on a date with. I’m the huggable guy that has friends, a life, and good grades but not a girlfriend. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a girlfriend but I don’t really have time. People think I’m quiet but those are the ones that don’t really know me. I’m really involved with helping improve lives. Yes, that sounds cheesy but there’s no other way to say it. My problem is: I’m stuck.

I can’t really figure out a way to turn these ideas into reality. People don’t expect these kinds of ideas from me. I used to be more ambitious but once I got to high school I started to relax. Isn’t that funny because in high school you’re supposed to stay up late and do your homework at five in the morning, but not me. Now, I have all these ideas swimming through my head and there’s no outlet. I wish I could plug myself into an electrical outlet and let the currents whoosh out of my head.

And I’m writing this paper as I’m sitting still listening to them talk about poverty. I don’t even have a pencil and paper handy. I can’t remember all these words. The funny thing is once I sit down to write my mind goes blank. Everything leaves like my brain is too cold and they need to get to someplace warmer. I need to keep my mind on track. Even though it’s hard I’m turning back to reality and now I can hear them ask, “Any questions?”

“What can I do to help?”