WA 3, Draft 1: Through My Eyes (Photographer)
Window
The vertical and horizontal lines frame the image making for an interesting composition. The cold air fogs the lens as the ambient light streams through to create a surreal image. The writing from little children on the panes obstructs this ethereal world.
Eye
The shutter speed is slow and tiring. No matter how hard I try the image will not stay focused. If I stop down on the image and reduce the amount of light I am sure to fall asleep. If I change my depth of field by standing up the composition is sure to be greater and just might keep me awake.
Legs
It takes a lot to balance this heavy camera on a tripod. No matter how hard I try it’s sure to fall over. The shutter speed is so fast that if I just handhold the camera the image will be blurred. But I can’t reduce shutter speed either because the subjects are moving so fast. Maybe, if I just spread the tripod a little further the tripod will hold it and the camera will not fall again.
Pupil
The aperture regulates the amount of light reaching the film. It changes depending on the how the light affects the composition of the photograph. To make a more contrasting and harsher picture we might let in lots of light to produce a shadow.
Memory
A photograph stops the action of the subject. It’s a moment in time that is captured through the camera’s lens. The exposed film, which is formed by the clumping of silver halide crystals, is taking a picture that can never be forgotten. The photo that is produced is a combination of how the person took the photo and how it was developed. If the composition is interesting everyone will remember and will always be able to remember.
posted by Claire Barry @ 6:54 PM
3 Comments:
The descriptions are very clear and accurate. She knew about both what she was describing (describee?) and the subject used to describe it. I especially like the paragraph about the eye, because it uses the terminology while including the eye in a story; it isn't just a description.
In the other paragraphs, the part I think that should be changed is when the description describes the terminology it is using but not the word underneath. I know that is confusing, so I will give an example: in the paragraph about legs, the description seems to describe a tripod but not legs. I know that is hard to fix, especially when the word described is frequently used to describe the words in the terminology you are using, e.g., parts of a tripod are called legs. The only way I can think to fix that is to use a different word, one more dissimilar, or to describe the words with terminology not as similar. Back to the original example, if you describe legs with something in photography other than tripod legs, it would be more effective in describing human legs.
The paragraph about the pupil is a bit too much like something one would find in a textbook. Maybe explain how the aperture works less, and describe what it does more. Or, do something similar to the paragraph Eye, where Pupil is part of a story.
Hey Claire, I really like the piece the paragraphs are really clear and the metaphors are well defined. The only one that isn't really clear is the legs, i suppose like Sam said something other than a tripod, or back the tripod idea up with different examples. Maybe like about the age of the tripod, that could be why it's hard to balance.
But other than that it's very cute!
It seems to me, that you are almost describing a little toddler, or baby or something, at least with the window pane and the legs. (who have a hard time balancing)
The piece might have a lot more feeling to it, more emotion, and it might be easier to read, if you follow sam's advice at least a bit and have some sort of vague storyline in the background.
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